5 Ways to Pray for Your Spouse Before You Meet Them


The summer I met my husband, I had been through a painful breakup a couple of months before, and I had told God that I was done with dating. How many times have you told God that you were swearing off dating?

You may be reading this because you want to have tips about how to persuade God to bring you your spouse, or how to make sure He brings you the “right” one. You may be concerned that there are no good people to date that fit your standards. Or, even deeper, “There is no one out there who will love me as I am, because I am not good enough.”

There is so much more to this than that. When I tell you that I want to help you pray for your spouse, I am actually referring to praying in a way that benefits them. When we hit a certain age, and we are still single, we can become so consumed with going to all the right places, setting ourselves up to “accidentally” meet someone amazing, being on the right dating app, or looking appealing so maybe they’ll approach us and start a whirlwind romance that will sweep us off our feet, and we’ll ride off into the sunset. It’s like we think that if we set God up with just the right pitch, maybe He’ll hit that home run we’ve been waiting for.

The issue with this isn’t all the things we do, places we go, or even dating apps we use. I fully believe the Lord can use all of these things, and I have seen evidence that incredible, godly marriages can be cultivated in these spaces. The issue is that we feel like our lives will just be complete if we could meet “The One”, fall in love, and create a life together. We believe that we NEED someone to fulfill us, and on an even more spiritual level, help us build the kingdom. Sometimes, I see people hold out on serving the Lord fully because they believe that they can’t go all in until they meet the right person who will be their partner.

How often do you think of the kind of spouse you hope to be? We have all heard the verse, Proverbs 18:22, which in the NLT says, “He who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” Now, I think we can all say that means that if we happen to find marriage, we should have certain expectations because this verse states it so plainly. I would like to break it down a little bit, though. There are many ways we can look at this.

First, guys, if you are looking for a wife who will be a treasure, how are you preparing your heart to cherish that treasure? If you want the Lord to bring you someone amazing, who will be your best friend, your better half, or the one who walks through fire with you, what is it that she will need you to be? I believe wholeheartedly that a healthy marriage begins before you know each other. Be evaluating how you plan to be the very best husband who will treat her like the daughter of a King, because if you have expectations of a Proverbs 31 wife, you have to be willing to become a man who exemplifies 1 Timothy 3:1-5, which talks about being a church leader. Men, you are called to be the leader of your home, and I personally feel this should be applicable to that.

“This is a trustworthy saying: “If someone aspires to be a church leader, he desires an honorable position.” So a church leader must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. He must not be a heavy drinker[c] or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?” 1 Timothy 3:1-5 NLT

Now, girls, I speak from the place of a girl who was praying this prayer, and the Lord reminded me that it was “He who finds a wife finds a treasure,” not “she who finds a husband.” I think this is so important to note because the Lord created us to be the treasure. When there is a treasure being sought, the treasure doesn’t go out to find the explorer looking for it. It simply spends its life being a treasure, and becoming more valuable as time goes on. When I think about this verse, and this particular context, it brings relief. Relief that it isn’t on me to do all the work. Even now, after 14 years of marriage, when I am doing what the Lord is calling me to, my husband is supporting me and loving me as Christ loves the church. I respect and cherish him, serving not as a servant, but as a partner. We have an incredible partnership and I am so very grateful for the favor the Lord has bestowed on our marriage and our family.

So, here are five ways to pray for your spouse before you meet them:

  1. Pray that the Lord sets YOU apart and prepares your heart to be the spouse that they will need you to be. Ask the Lord to help you have wisdom about what they will need for you to bring to the table in order to be the very best helpmate and encourager for their unique and individual callings and personality.

  2. Pray that the Lord will protect them and set them apart. Ask Him to guide them in the ways of righteousness and put them in contact will people who will edify and sharpen them, as iron sharpens iron.

  3. Ask the Lord to search your heart, Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Allow Him to create in you a pure heart, and an eternal mindset.

  4. Ask the Lord to heal your heart in a way that allows you to not have your guard up. Allow Him to be a balm to your soul, because you need to be prepared to connect with the person who may be waiting for you to be ready. Allow yourself to dig into your relationship with Him in a way that helps you see your worth in Him, and only Him. Your guard will never come down if you feel like you aren’t worthy to be pursued, loved, and cherished.

  5. Ask the Lord to let it be only Him. Allow Him permission to create a story that will be a mighty testimony of His goodness and His faithfulness. Let Him write the story that only He can write. You will not be sorry!

When you wrote your list as a teenager of all the things you were praying for your spouse to be, I bet the conversation didn’t encourage you to write a list of the things your spouse would need you to be. I challenge you to think about all the things you want, and evaluate the kind of husband or wife they will need to show up for them. Make a list of the spouse you want to be and pray that the Lord will create that within you. Be willing to be broken in places to be mended by Him, because your future spouse, children, and generations will be better for it.